Top 10 Indicators that it's Going to be a Long Flight

1. Your seatmate smells like a damp sheep

2. The pilot appears to have tapped his way onto the plane with a white cane if his ability to steer the plane to the runway is any indication (see #5 for possible explanation)

3. Your seat is wet

4. The vegetables in your meal defy scientific classification

5. The on-ground traffic controllers appear to be doing the actions to 'YMCA" by the Village People.

6. You see the Grim Reaper on board. He is in Row 13 and has been allowed to bring his scythe on board, when your lip-gloss that you inadvertently left in your bag was confiscated.

7. The flight attendant pokes you in the eye while indicating the emergency exits.

8. All children on board actively and vocally shun sleep

9. The father of the baby in row 9 is flat out and has his baby's soother in his mouth. See #8.

10. The flight attendants are all wearing bubble-wrap turbans. Or at least that's what is looks like as you mistakenly lurch into the galley while looking for the bathroom. What the hell were they doing anyway and where did they get the cheese and charcuterie plate?